Now you might think by stating this in your profile that you are sending the message to all the "players" that you are a woman who doesn't play games and is ready for a serious relationship.

     While your attempt to weed out the bad guys is honourable, the strategy itself is flawed. Just writing those words in your profile will not chase away the bad guys.....and in fact may even attract more of them. Worse yet, if a good guy does read your profile, he isn't reading it the way you might think.

     When I see this in a profile, this is what I perceive;

#1 - These words can appear to be written by someone who may be jaded and suspicious of men and might have a negative overall view of both men and the dating process. That doesn't exactly convey a glass half full message.

#2 - That rather than our first meet being fun and relaxing, I would feel like I am going being judged the whole time and perceived as a player until I can prove that I am not....and the only way I can prove that is if I get into a relationship....and I haven't even met this person yet!!

#3 - If I do happen to contact this person and we do meet, and we happen to go on a few dates, if I don't make a commitment, then there is a good chance that I will be negatively labeled as a "player".

#4 - The guys looking for hookups are not likely reading your profile anyway. I have heard numerous women state over the years that they are frustrated because men "don't read profiles". If that is the case, isn't it more important to be sending the right message to those who do?

     Besides...does it really work? Have you magically eliminated all of the "players" by posting this in your profile? Or are you maybe making it very clear that you have been played before and now you are unknowingly challenging the players to try again?

     I like analogies so I will use one here to help you understand how a guy feels when you write something in your profile about "no hookups".

     Have you ever read a profile that said "No Gold Diggers"? If and when you have, how did it make you feel? Is it a message that makes you want to contact that person? Does that comment make you think that this guy is ready for a serious relationship? Of course it doesn't. (Guys, don't put this in your profile. You will scare away the good women for the same reasons above. Also, does it maybe send the message to the gold diggers that there is maybe some gold there to dig?)

     The solution? Send the same message in a less confrontational manner. For example;
"I am looking for someone who is "conscious" about dating. Someone who is willing to allow some time to learn and understand more about me as we go and I will do the same for you!

     Simple. Positive. Effective.

     If you want to attract the good guys, keep your profile positive, use a variety of current pictures and simply ignore anyone that doesn't want to be respectful! If you aren't sure whether or not he is a player, ask him if he can describe what A Conscious Partner is. The answer to that one simple question will tell you who you are dealing with! 

     In this video, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski sees a young man eating his dinner and asks what he is eating. "I am eating fish" the young man explains, "I love fish" he says.

Does he really love the fish?

When we love something do we kill it, boil it and eat it? If we love something shouldn’t we nurture it, feed it, help it grow?

The young man didn't actually love the fish; he loved what the fish did for him. More importantly, if the fish stops satisfying that need, he won’t love it anymore. That’s fish love.

    Fish love is a selfish love. It's about "what can you do for me"? Fish love relationships can be about lots of things; money, sex, politics, image, family, security or even just arm candy. The relationship will function at a certain level up until the point that the critical element ceases to exist and then the problems begin.  The relationship may fade away, or it may just become dysfunctional and unhappy.

     Real love is different. If you really love someone, then that love never dies. I'm not saying the relationship never dies, but the love itself never dies. There is no shortage of people who love someone that they cannot live with.
 
Is your relationship real love or fish love?