In this video, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski sees a young man eating his dinner and asks what he is eating. "I am eating fish" the young man explains, "I love fish" he says.
Does he really love the fish?
When we love something do we kill it, boil it and eat it? If we love something shouldn’t we nurture it, feed it, help it grow?
The young man didn't actually love the fish; he loved what the fish did for him. More importantly, if the fish stops satisfying that need, he won’t love it anymore. That’s fish love.
Fish love is a selfish love. It's about "what can you do for me"? Fish love relationships can be about lots of things; money, sex, politics, image, family, security or even just arm candy. The relationship will function at a certain level up until the point that the critical element ceases to exist and then the problems begin. The relationship may fade away, or it may just become dysfunctional and unhappy.
Real love is different. If you really love someone, then that love never dies. I'm not saying the relationship never dies, but the love itself never dies. There is no shortage of people who love someone that they cannot live with.
Is your relationship real love or fish love?