STOP Working on Your Relationship!!

     Sorry. I won’t do it. I don’t want to work all day at my job and then go home at night and “work” on my relationship. That means I would be working all the time. I go to work so that I can afford to leave work and enjoy life.

     The things I do outside of work are supposed to be fun and interesting. Like golfing, or playing hockey...or even coaching softball. These are all fun and easy things to do...

     Easy? Well, maybe not in the beginning. I spent a lot of time practicing and developing my skills. I made a lot of mistakes, learned many lessons, but it was worth it in the end. With all the practice it just comes naturally now.

    Well, maybe not naturally. I have to keep practicing so that my skills don't decline. If you don't use it you lose it, so they say!!

     Let’s use golf as an example. I have to go to the driving range and practice my shots. I have to go to the putting green and practice putting. I watch tips and tricks videos on the internet to see if I can learn something new. I have to update my equipment and keep up with what is going on. I know that sounds like work, but it isn’t work for me...it’s fun. It is just what I do to stay current with something that I love.

    Just like everything else I do as a hobby or for fun. If I put in the effort and want to succeed it isn't work at all. I enjoy it...I look forward to it. I want to do it. 

Hmmm, let me think about this.

    My job takes time, effort and energy, but it isn’t where I want to be all the time, so I consider all my effort to be “work”.

    My hobbies take time, effort and energy, but since I enjoy them, I consider all my effort to be “practice”.

    So I guess that's the question that I really need to answer for myself. Is my relationship a place I want to be, or a place I don’t want to be?

    Based on the above, if I don’t want to be there, then yes, a relationship will be “work”.

    On the other hand, if my relationship is something I do enjoy and do want to be a part of, then shouldn’t I be “practicing” my skills, just like with all of the other things I enjoy doing? It shouldn't be work at all.

    Another point to consider...when something is work, theoretically, mistakes are not allowed. If I do something wrong at work, there are negative consequences. When I am practicing, I am expecting a certain amount of failure along the way. That is how I get better at something. That is how I develop my skills.  I try things out and see what happens, I get feedback and I make adjustments.

     So...If I want to be in a relationship, and I want it to last, then I should want to practice. If my partner wants to be a relationship with me, she will want to practice with me. I guess that's the sign we should both be looking for while we are out fishing for a partner. Do we like each other enough to practice our relationship together so that we can develop our skills?

Note to self...

STOP “working” on my relationship. START “practicing” my relationship skills!
 

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