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As anyone who has a relationship of any kind knows, conflict is unavoidable, whether it's between partners, friends, parent and child, family, co-workers, etc. It can crop up for any number of reasons, and in many cases, it escalates not because there is a real issue, but because the issues are not being communicated and understood between the parties involved. As we all think differently, it's easy for something to be poorly communicated or taken out of context! We have different moods, different upbringings, different experiences, and different perceptions of almost every subject and situation. How do you handle conflict? How does your "opponent" handle it? Let's find out! |
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All of us have some trigger or “hot button,” that, when pushed, sets us off into uncomfortable emotions that may even lead to anger, hostility, fear, and ultimately, our bad habits. Does that happen to you sometimes? All the time? We may have heard of “trigger warnings” or “getting triggered”, but what does “getting triggered” mean, and how can we control it? It is worth putting in the effort to explore our emotional triggers. The more aware we are, the less we will be ruled by our unconscious programming. |
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When we "feel" as if we have been insulted or attacked, it can be hard to listen with a clear head and an open mind. We tend to "react", and our first thought is that we need to defend ourselves, or we will get aggressive ourselves and do our best to point out flaws in the other person; we get “defensive”. The other option is to get "curious". When we get curious, we start asking questions instead of reacting to "perceived" threats. Defensiveness leads to conflict, curiosity leads to communication. When you are "attacked" verbally, do you get Curious or Defensive? This event will explain the difference and the impact that it can have on our lives. |
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Many of us talk about drama, but it’s interesting that in most cases, our perspective is that it is always the other person who is creating it. Can that be possible? Can it really always be the other person? Drama is a complicated and powerful mix of pain, guilt, affirmation seeking, adrenaline and love all mixed into a cocktail of emotional outreach. It can actually be addicting and is toxic to any relationship it mixes with. Let’s see of we can better understand what it might feel like to live in a drama free zone. |
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The need to be right is a prevalent, damaging and unhealthy perspective that can wreak havoc on our personal and professional lives. Being right helps us to maintain our sense of control over our lives. Being wrong shakes up this basic need and has us feeling vulnerable. It leads us to the saying that many of us have heard “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” The ‘need to be right’ keeps us holding on to pain from the past rather than allowing us to move forward and be our best selves. It prevents self-growth and learning. For our own well-being and the well-being of our relationships, letting go of the ‘need to be right’ can free up much space and free up the time and energy to live a better life. |
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Or the Drama Triangle. Victim / Persecutor / Rescuer. In different situations and at different times in our lives, we might be all 3, but it is important to understand that all three of them can be exhausting patterns that confuse and sabotage relationships. First described by Stephen Karpman in 1961, the drama triangle represents the roles that we may take on in different situations, which can result in us getting trapped in a role that is not really true to who we are, or want to be. Are you a victim, a persecutor or a rescuer? |
A Conscious Partner - Development Team
