Are you Satisfied Sexually?
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The majority of relationships end for one of two reasons. Sex is one of them. (Money is the other).
We are spiritual, emotional physical and sexual beings. Sex is one of the foundations of most relationships, yet it is one of the most complicated to discuss. Let's change that!
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Sex is one of the purest expressions of intimacy there is, but there is often quite a gap between what most people genuinely long for sexually in their relationships and what they actually experience. It can create a great deal of suffering, disappointment, resentments and other unpleasant emotions.
Sex and intimacy are two different things, and this "gap" that forms in many relationships, is really just the loss of intimacy. True intimacy requires vulnerability, honesty, communication and trust. If those elements start to fade, intimacy is lost and sex can become a routine chore rather than a passionate experience. |
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At the start of any new relationship, the sex can be exciting and "passionate", but rarely is it truly intimate. It takes time to develop vulnerability, trust and communication and if that doesn't develop properly, then the sex life will suffer.
The key to making sex interesting and exciting again is to improve the communication and better understand expectations, for both yourself and your partner. If you want to make changes, there are three single things you can work on to get started. Learn how to incorporate these 3 things into your sex life and you will be well on your way. |
The 3 Key Elements to Improving Your Sex Life.
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One Organ
There is only one sex organ that we need to discuss here.
Interestingly enough, we all have one!! 
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One action
There is one action that will help you discover the feelings that you seek.
Once again, we all have an equal ability. 
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One feeling
In order to enjoy the experience of a full and satisfying sex life, it takes one specific feeling:
It needs to be earned 
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Don't underestimate the power and the value of how important these 3 elements are in regard to improving your sex life. The difficulty for most will be the start. If you have never talked about sex it can be an uncomfortable and overwhelming experience. That is what you can use this page for. Use the tools here to help initiate conversations and ideas to help you both move forward. Have some fun with it!! |
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Just like love is a combination of chemistry and compatibility, a great sex life is a combination of tangible components and the more "needs" based items that will require a deeper level of trust.
The tangible or "measurable" elements are things like;
Preferences, Characteristics, Awareness, and Safety.
The trust related items are like the 4 F's;
Foreplay, Fetishes, Fantasies, and Frequency
A true sexual connection will hit on all levels!
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The Sexual Connection
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Foreplay is not what many think it is. It's not the 20 minutes before sex. It can be subtle or overt. It can be a wink from across a room or scented candles around the bathtub. It might be doing the dishes for your partner, being excited to watch the game, or dressing up for the night out, or mowing the lawn. Flirty texts during the day or a well-timed compliment. Foreplay is the ongoing connection between 2 people that really never stops. It's 24 hours a day. Do you and your partner practice real foreplay? Learn more about "Foreplay." "Foreplay 2"
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Fetishes have been around for all of time and some are certainly becoming less taboo as time goes by, but for some, it's difficult to incorporate their fetish into their long-term relationship. If the fetish is not disclosed fairly quickly in the relationship, it is often kept quiet out of a fear of a negative reaction from the partner. (This is where the 3 keys listed above or so vital; Brain, Communication & Trust) Are you open to at least discuss your partner's fetishes?
Learn more about "Fetishes." "26 Kinks and Fetishes" |
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Most people have many secret sexual fantasies that they won't share. For example, he may seem like a masculine guy, but he might be waiting for you to tie him down and spank him with a paddle! Being able to discuss fantasies is a key element in keeping the "spark" in a relationship. Can you talk about your fantasies with your partner and listen sincerely to their fantasies? (Once again, the 3 keys; Brain, Communication & Trust). Talking about and being accepting of fantasies is one of the keys to a sexual connection.
Learn more about "Fantasies." "The 6 Most Common Fantasies" "Discussing Fantasies"" |
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Are you getting enough? Too much? There is no magic number that is the "right" number. Be careful to not compare yourself to others, the important part is making sure that you and your partner are on the same page. There are some that want affection daily, others multiple times a week and maybe for others once a week is good. If you aren't getting what you are looking for, it's important to communicate. Learn more about "Frequency." "How Often" "How Much"
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Sexuality comes in many "Styles," and each style comes with benefits and disadvantages. It can be a good idea to learn and define your "sexual style" as a couple. The mere discussion about your style may improve your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Learn more about "Style."
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It is essential to be aware of your own and your partner's sexual preferences. From positions, to locations, to timing, to lighting, to frequency, and so much more. Is this something that you can discuss with your partner?
Sex Personality Test (Get your number!) "Sex Personality Test" Take "That Sex Quiz" Here is a fun "X-Rated Couples Quiz" if you think that you can handle it!! |
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Does your partner have the physical characteristics that make you desire them sexually? Wide, soft, long, firm, round, small, large, wide, thin, thick, tall, short, blonde, dark, red, big, manly, feminine, hairy, clean, etc.
Do you know what you want? Does you partner have what you want? Do you have what your partner wants? |
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Are you and your partner "Sexually Aware?" Sex need not be "Goal-Oriented." There is foreplay, after-play, fetishes, fantasies, toys and so much more. What is right for one person or couple may not be right for another person or couple. It's about communication with the goal to develop heightened sexual awareness and intimacy. Learn more;
"Awareness" "Test Your Sex IQ" "12 types of orgasms" |
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Taking control of your sexual health and safety should not bring fear. On the contrary, it means you are prepared, ready, and safe. You and your partner should be aware of all aspects of birth control, and the spread of STI's / STD's. Keep in mind that if you are over 25 and have had more than one sex partner, you have likely had an STD, you just didn't realize it.
For more information, check out these links; "Guide to STD.'s," "STD's." "Myths." |
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A healthy conversation of sexual pasts can be a positive and enjoyable chance for couples to share and develop a closer bond, both inside and out of the bedroom. It can be a bit of a minefield though, so tread carefully. This is a subject that needs to be discussed with respect and sincerity, never judgement. For example, any question involving the "number" is not important. Learn more about "History."
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What Does All This Mean?
Our relationship with sex is quite complicated. We live in a decidedly sex-negative culture, yet we seem to think that we are "progressive." We ask women to be sexy but not sexual, and then we lead men to believe that their "manliness" is somehow measured by how much sex they can have; A complete contradiction, which is unfair to both.
Sex education in our schools is often little more than a basic anatomy lesson, and in some cases, it is designed to provide misinformation with the hope that it might scare the kids from having sex.
For singles, it’s important for potential couples to talk with one another – especially early on in the relationship – to determine just whether or not they are a sexual match. What we don't want to do is get into a relationship under the assumption that we are on the same page sexually, only to discover that we are not.
For people already in a relationship, making adjustments to an existing sexual relationship may seem like a daunting task but with a little time and effort it is certainly something that can happen. This is where those 3 keys come into play. It's important to really think about what we want... and what our partner wants... to educate ourselves.... open up the lines of communication and to allow time. Be sure that our partner feels safe to open up and to be sure that it is safe for us to open up to our partner.
Most important of all? If we judge our partners in any way about what they say when they do start communicating, then it is highly likely that the door will be slammed shut and it will be a lot harder to open moving forward. It is our fear of judgement that keeps our real fantasies and fetishes locked behind those doors. If we want to improve our sex lives, we need to figure out how to allow our partner to open these doors with the understanding and COMPLETE TRUST that they will not be judged. If we can't react without judgement, then it's not time to open the door.
"Improve your sex life 1" "Improve your sex life 2"
Sex education in our schools is often little more than a basic anatomy lesson, and in some cases, it is designed to provide misinformation with the hope that it might scare the kids from having sex.
For singles, it’s important for potential couples to talk with one another – especially early on in the relationship – to determine just whether or not they are a sexual match. What we don't want to do is get into a relationship under the assumption that we are on the same page sexually, only to discover that we are not.
For people already in a relationship, making adjustments to an existing sexual relationship may seem like a daunting task but with a little time and effort it is certainly something that can happen. This is where those 3 keys come into play. It's important to really think about what we want... and what our partner wants... to educate ourselves.... open up the lines of communication and to allow time. Be sure that our partner feels safe to open up and to be sure that it is safe for us to open up to our partner.
Most important of all? If we judge our partners in any way about what they say when they do start communicating, then it is highly likely that the door will be slammed shut and it will be a lot harder to open moving forward. It is our fear of judgement that keeps our real fantasies and fetishes locked behind those doors. If we want to improve our sex lives, we need to figure out how to allow our partner to open these doors with the understanding and COMPLETE TRUST that they will not be judged. If we can't react without judgement, then it's not time to open the door.
"Improve your sex life 1" "Improve your sex life 2"
where would you like to go next ?
Chemistry
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Conflict
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Emotional
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Financial
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Life Style
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Physical
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Sexual
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Spiritual
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If you have found any of this interesting or helpful and would like to learn more, our "Sexual" growthshop is a great way to have some fun and learn more about improving your sexual relationship!
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