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"The 5 Whys" is a brainstorming tool that can help us get to the root of any issue that we have. We are going to use it here as it pertains to self-awareness and relationships, but it really can be used in a wide variety of situations.

It was initially developed by Toyota (manufacturing automobiles) as a tool to increase efficiency and prevent problems from reoccurring during the manufacturing process. It works the same in relationships! Or life in general.
So How Do We Use It?
It's a very simple process as long as you are completely transparent and honest with yourself. It is as simple as writing down your problem on a piece of paper and then asking yourself why and then repeating the process four more times.
Here's What it Looks Like!
(Free 5 Whys Worksheet at Bottom of Page)
Here's an Example
Situation - I struggle to speak my mind, and I am frustrated. I'm not happy, and I want to discuss a few things with my partner, but whenever I try to bring something up, we end up in a big fight. We are a really great couple most of the time, but there are things that we need to discuss, and I am scared to get the conversation going. I can't figure out what to do.
The Real Problem:

"I am afraid to bring up serious subjects with my partner"
The First Why:

Why am I afraid to bring up serious subjects with my partner?
Because I'm worried that my partner won't like what I have to say.
(A symptom)
The Second Why:

Why am I worried that my partner
won't like what I have to say?
Because the last time I had something to bring up, we ended up in a huge fight.
(A symptom)
The Third Why:

Why do you think it escalated
into a big argument?
Because whenever we talk about serious subjects we end up fighting.
(A symptom)
The Fourth Why:

Why is it that whenever we talk about
serious subjects we end up fighting?
Because we both get defensive, we stop listening and we start going in a hundred different directions.
(A symptom)
The Fifth Why:

Why do we both get defensive, stop listening and start going in a hundred different directions?
Because we don't know how to communicate effectively, and when
the communication breaks down,
then we don't know how to fight fairly.

(The Root Cause)
The ultimate goal
in the "5 Whys" process
is to discover the
"Root Cause".
Find the Root Cause
Too many times in life, we end up worrying about
and attempting to deal with "symptoms".

When we only deal with the symptoms,
then we never actually solve the problem.

If we don't solve the problem
it will continue to be a factor in our lives.
In this scenario, after completing the 5 Whys, we see that we have exposed
the likely Root Causes that are leading to the problems for this couple:
#1 - Poor Communication
#2 - Inability to Deal with Conflict Fairly and Effectively
#3 - Not Understanding Emotional Triggers
There are countless ways to learn more about learning these skills,
but a fun and effective way is through The Conscious Quest!
IMPORTANT - The process is called "The 5 Whys", but you may get to the root cause in 4... or it might take 7. The goal is to dig as far as you can until you feel that you have reached the point that is the actual  "Root Cause."
MORE IMPORTANT - This will only be effective if you are capable of being completely honest with yourself when you are answering the questions. It can help to have someone there who knows you well to help guide you along the way.
Whatever I do or say he won't listen to me!
Why?     I'm not sure.
Why?    I haven't asked him.
Why?   I'm a little nervous about confronting him.
Why?   Because I don't like confrontation. (The Root Cause)

Solution - Understand why you have trouble with confrontation. Learn about communicating effectively in the workplace. Do your best to overcome your fears and ask some questions.
There was a long wait for a different patient trolley...
Why? The safety rail of the original trolley was broken.
Why?  The trolleys are not regularly checked for wear.
Why?  The hospital does not have a maintenance schedule. (The Root Cause)

Solution - Develop a maintenance schedule for the trolleys.
An article wasn't published on our company website... 
Why?   Nobody was given the instruction to publish it.
Why?  A team leader forget to delegate the task.
Why? It wasn't in the content calendar.
Why? We don't have a process that does it automatically. (The Root Cause)

Solution - Develop a process to put the content in the
content calendar automatically.
I was late for work again...
Why?   I got up late
Why?  The alarm went off, but I was too tired and fell back to sleep.
Why?  I went to sleep late.
Why?  I stayed up late watching a movie because I couldn't record it.
Why?  I don't have a way to record movies.  (The Root Cause)

Solution - Get a PVR and make a rule to have the TV off by 11:00 pm.
Conclusion - Using the 5 Whys approach will help us get to the root cause of almost any issue or problem that we have. Once we identify the root cause, if we can address that issue, it should take care of all of the symptoms above it.

By getting to the root of the issue, we can move forward and hopefully prevent that same issue from re-occurring. Keep in mind that it is impossible for things to change instantly. It will take time, effort, and a desire from everyone involved to improve the situation!
Download the FREE Worksheet!
worksheet_5_whys.pdf
File Size: 383 kb
File Type: pdf
Download File
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The information contained on this website, blog, guest blogs, e-mails, videos, programs, services and/or products is for informational purposes only. 

It is not clinical in nature.
It is made available to you as self-help tools for your own use.
If you require professional advice, please seek it. 
 
There are no representations or warranties (express or implied), about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability concerning the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on this website or at any ACP event.

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The methods described on this website are the authors’ thoughts. Just some thoughts, not all of them. There is simply not a single definitive set of instructions out there for personal development or for solving relationship issues. Go explore!

You may discover there are other methods and materials to accomplish the goal that you are trying to achieve.

A Conscious Partner - Development Team

A Conscious Partner is the fun, affordable and interactive way to
discover more about yourself and others, and to answer the question:
"Why do the same things keep happening to me"!

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